Fruz's Journey

A letter from me to you

Hey there, how are you?

I only hope that things will eventually get better for you. As for me, I can’t really say that I'm in great condition. I mean, how can you stay happy when you lose something that is important to you. It’s funny how I used to think that those who are heartbroken are overreacting, but now since I experience it, there’s no way I'm gonna judge them the way I used to.

I know, I know, things will get easy. But still, I’m trying to bear with it. It’s just that, since I lost you, I can’t function properly. I guess it’s true when the researchers said those who are heartbroken have lowered their IQ temporarily, how funny isn’t it? But yeah, in the end, I'm proud of myself and seeing myself now. Sharing my thoughts and living my life the way I intended to.

You know, I used to get excited whenever you posted your artwork. Those words are beautiful, really, just like the creator. I used to love whenever you share your stories, the little things you shared with me, it all makes me happy. Right now, even heaven knows I'm miserable. It’s damn hard to think straight when there’s something chaotic happened, it’s hard to find peace when you’re far away from home. But, the fact that our stories happened for a reason, makes me easier to breathe, a bit.

Lately, the way I cope with things that happened is to listen to music. I could even say that my earphones are plugged into my ears 24/7. I’m not sure myself if the way I listen to music is a bad way of escapism, but it really soothes me. I just want to survive this, as everyone else could. I’ve always wanted you to be happy. Even if it’s not with me, even if I’m not in your life anymore. I just want the best for you, please live your life with happiness. For all the things that you have done for me, I thank you.

You’ll always hold a special place in my heart, even if I already moved on (God only knows when). You’ve taught me something that I didn’t realize I need in my life. I’m forever grateful for the time we had together, even though it’s only for a short period of time. Thank you for everything. At this very moment, I’m trying not to be sad anymore. I’ll promise you that I will eventually learn how to live again.

Even though there is a time that I really hoped that we could be together again ( I know I shouldn’t pray for someone to stay in my life, or to stay with me). This is not in any way a pledge to make you love me again or trying to get you back. I’m extremely happy for you. You really deserve all the happiness in this world. You truly deserve more.

I know I’ve been a fucking drama king the last time we talk. But deep down, I hope that you never hesitated to reach out, should you need to or want to. I wish I had been there for you as a friend, be with you when you need it. You know you can rely on me, because after all, before we became a partner, became a lover, we were friends. I hope you remember that.

Last but not least, thank you for existing, thank you for striving this far. I hope you’re proud of yourself. I hope you will defy the odds of most dreams and eventually accomplish yours. I want you to never underestimate yourself. You’re a great queen and you have to understand that.

Life is full of surprises. I learned the hard way that someone who is really close to you, can eventually become a stranger. I realized a pattern in life—you found something/someone precious to you, you lose it, you became depressed, and you came back stronger. That’s that’s. In order to become stronger, you first need to experience such pain. I still miss you, to be honest. But day by day it feels less hurt every time I remember you.

I’m broken but I didn’t need you to fix me. I wanted you. And it’s only because I couldn’t have you. And that wasn’t love. While this letter comes to an end, I realized I still miss you, but I can survive without you.

And I really hope that you get a love that forgives you. The type of love that will grow together within you, that appreciates you more, love you unconditionally.

Because you truly deserve that kind of love.

Love, E.

- 10 toasts